think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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