I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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