Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
