just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
