So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
