If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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