even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
