holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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