how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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