Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
