"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
