if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
