Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
