she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This baby is an asshole
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
