he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
