hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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