Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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