They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
