I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
