Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
