I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
