OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
