nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
