"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
