She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
