WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
