Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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