just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
