i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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