I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
