I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
