I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
