you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
