I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
