I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
