do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
