i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
