I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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