I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
