u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
