So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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