Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
