So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
