Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
