its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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