First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
