then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
