you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
