If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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