That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
MIDGETS
????
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
