Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
