Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
