I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
