you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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