I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
